In this post I’m going to clear the air about something I get asked about a lot… sex positions. Put away your Kama Sutra books and stop your warm up stretches because I’m going to cut to the chase… tangling your bodies up in ridiculous ways and focusing on sex positions is not the answer to better sex, or giving women orgasms for that matter. Let me explain…
It never fails, when men learn what I teach, the first thing most guys ask is, “Hey Jason, what’s the best sex position to make her orgasm?”
I almost don’t know how to answer this question. It’s like someone asking a car expert if there is a better way to sit in a car to make it go faster. The question itself doesn’t even make sense. Without them knowing the distinctions of how to use the pedals and the steering wheel, or understanding what’s under the hood, what the conditions of the road are, and the basic laws of gravity, it seems like you have to help them learn what the concept of “driving” is before they can think about “going fast”.
(“driving”= all the physical, mental, and social distinctions that influence female orgasm,
“going fast”= giving women orgasms)
I think that one of the biggest misconceptions stemming from mainstream society is: in order to be better at sex you need to tangle your bodies up in dozens of funky positions and call upon mystical energies from the universe of ying and yang or something weird like that.
The naive ignorance that encompasses sex is derived from the reality that sex is a taboo subject. We all have sex, our ancestors have been doing it for thousands of generations, and there have been civilizations before us that were much more open to discussing this subject, especially how to be good at it. These civilizations of the past would have loved to have all the tools of science, anatomy, psychology, attraction, social dynamics and all the incredible distinctions we can make about human sexuality using these modern tools.
However, today the very topic of sex exists in a bubble of taboo, meaning no one really examines it the way other human experiences are studied because it’s still considered a taboo subject. No one talks about it because unfortunately the most incredible part of our human existence (our desire to mate, experience intercourse, and create another life) lives in a shroud of naughty shame and is considered down right impolite or wrong to talk about.
This does a huge disservice to all of us, as both sexes are engrained with the instinct to take pleasure in sex, which we try to pull off with some friction and a quick male orgasm, but too often women’s pleasure is ignored or thought of as something that should just happen if she’s one of the “lucky ones”.
You will find dozens of books that claim “101 positions for better sex” or something like that. But reality dictates that there are really only 3 sex positions:
1. Missionary (Man on top of woman, front to front)
2. Doggystyle (Man behind woman, front to back)
3. Woman on top (woman on top of man, front to front)
Any other position is just a variation of these three. Think “reverse cowboy” and we can see that this is simply a mix of doggystyle and woman on top. Think about entering her from behind while your both laying on your sides… yeah that’s still doggystyle, you’re just laying different. I think you get the point.
These are not the distinctions that make for incredible sex, or giving women orgasms. With the right distinctions you can give a woman an orgasm in any position!
Don’t get me wrong, changing up the place or positions in which sex takes place is important for preventing routine. Routine will kill your sex life. However much more important distinctions to make about sex, especially if we want to make her orgasm, are things like:
What’s the urethral sponge, and how does it effect orgasm?
What’s the vaginal fornix, and how do you stimulate these muscles that contract during orgasm to give her an orgasm?
What’s the skenes gland and what role does it play in female ejaculation?
How do you stimulate the clitoris, the only human organ whose sole purpose is sexual pleasure?
How do you indirectly stimulate the head of the clitoris which can be too sensitive to touch directly?
How do you stimulate the shaft of the clitoris?
Why a woman will not be able to orgasm if she is not present, and how to bring her into the moment.
How over 50% of getting a woman to orgasm is mental, and how to lead her mind to orgasm.
Where do you aim the head of your penis to increase pleasure during intercourse?
What techniques work best for stimulating her clitoris during intercourse?
Why giving a woman an orgasm before sex will put her into orgasmic state making it ten times more likely for her to experience an orgasm during intercourse.
How to use words (dirty talk) to get a woman highly turned on.
Which exercises strengthen the PC muscle and make a woman’s orgasms more intense and how you can have her do them while your penis is inside of her.
How does the erectile tissue inside a woman’s vagina indicate when she’s about to squirt?
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I could keep this list going but I cover these distinctions and more in this guide.
Intelligence is a measure of the quantity and quality of distinctions you have in a given situation. For example Eskimos, and other arctic indigenous groups, have many different distinctions about snow. They need to know what type of snow is dangerous to walk on as well as what type of snow they can make shelters from, plus dozens of more distinctions regarding snow. These dozens of distinctions about snow allow them to survive in some of the harshest environments on the planet.
I’m guessing if you or I were dropped off in the arctic we wouldn’t last long without this “intelligence” about snow. I live in southern California, and my only distinctions about snow are that it’s “cold”, “white”, and “wet”! However with a guide I’m sure you and I could learn all the distinctions of snow and this new quantity of quality of distinctions (intelligence) will greatly increase our chance of not just surviving, but thriving.
By increasing our sensory acuity, or the number of distinctions we can make about the physical, mental and social factors that influence female orgasms, we greatly enhance our sexual intelligence which gives us more certainty that we can create our desired outcome… incredible full body female orgasms!
Tangling your bodies up and shooting for the moon blindly ignores all the distinctions that influence female orgasm, and makes the chance of both you and your partner exploding in ecstasy a long shot, or really just a blind shot in the dark.
Conscious ignorance has been a long standing practice when it come to female sexuality. Women were once considered asexual, with a complete lack of interest in sex, and told to just lie back and think of England. No wonder so many men and woman today still don’t even know women are capable of full body squirting vaginal orgasms!
Make no mistake, women are just as highly sexual as men. Women’s bodies are highly equipped to experience sexual pleasure!
What’s your sexual intelligence? Do you have the distinctions about female orgasms that can help your relationship not only survive, but thrive? Or are you just going to stick it in and shoot for the moon?
I lacked these distinctions and it was the demise of several great relationships. I’ve spent a great deal of time learning the distinctions that influence female orgasms. These distinctions are what I teach in the Female Orgasm Blueprint.
I hope these tools help you re-imagine your sex life, give you the intelligence to think far beyond sex positions, and help you create the fulfilling sex life you deserve!