MISC Archive

First Date Tips – How To Initiate Touch On A First Date

I don’t give much dating advice, but questions regularly come up from readers. So I thought I should share a little something I use on my first dates to initiate playful touching if we’re both vibing each other.

If you don’t already know, initiating touch between you and your date is super important on a first date. It shows your interest and will keep you out of the dreaded friend zone.

I came across this by accident. I was reading an article online, and I mentioned this on a date once and it worked beautifully!

I’ve since used it many times and never had it not work out.

Anyway, I made a short video which explains it all.

World’s Strongest Vagina

Here’s your odd news for the day…

A 42 year old russian woman has reportedly set the record for being able to lift the most weight with her vagina.

Yes, you read that right…

She inserts a wooden egg into her vagina then attaches weight to the egg.

She contracts her vaginal muscles around the egg and is able to lift up to 31 pounds, which she reportedly set the record for.

She says it’s all thanks to doing kegel exercises for going on 20 years now…

I have to admit that’s pretty amazing…

Not only can kegels build strong vaginal muscles, but they also play an important role with helping us guys last longer in bed.

However, if you’re struggling with “PE” kegels are only one piece to the puzzle.

I have a presentation that lays out a proven method to get your problem fixed.

Proven Method To End Premature Ejaculation <-- video lesson

Sexual Sub-Communication: What you’re really saying in the bedroom

Sexual Sub-CommunicationWhen it comes to what to say and the actions to take in the bedroom, most of us guys think out logically what words to use and the step by step of the maneuvers we’re going to conduct.

In this post I’d like to challenge your approach of “what” to say and get you thinking more about “how” you say it. I’d like you to think about “how” you’re performing your actions, rather than “what” you are actually doing. I’m talking about all the meaning you communicate NON-VERBALLY during sexual activity. I call this Sexual Sub-Communication, and it can transform the context of your entire erotic interaction.

To understand what I’m talking about, let’s take a brief look at human communication. Whether you are talking in front of a group, approaching a pretty girl at the bar, or dropping some hardcore dirty talk during sex, there is much more to be considered than what words to say. In fact, words only represent 7% of what is actually communicated during an interaction.

Instead we should understand that Voice Quality (or Vocal Queues) represent 38% of what gets communicated. This means the rate, pitch, volume, and speaking style, as well as rhythm or stresses projected while speaking. In addition Physiology represents 55% of how we feel in the moment, and it’s communicated in our body language, gestures, touch, facial expression, and eye contact.

In other words 93% of what we communicate to others is non-verbal. That means what you say or do is not nearly as important as HOW you say or do it.

Your mind (and yes her’s too) is trained to look for incongruences, which is when someone’s voice, words, and body don’t match up. Your brain is unconsciously scanning and processing far more sub-communication input than your conscious mind could ever process. This allows the unconscious mind to filter only the important information and bring it forward as feelings to the conscious mind.

Here’s an illustration: Let’s say you’re using dirty talk during sex and you are uncomfortable about doing it, it’s going to get conveyed to her through shakiness in your voice, and uncomfortable body language. Her mind is NOT going to think logically “I notice a pitch change in his voice that sounds uncomfortable, plus his body language is caved in”. Instead she’s simply going to FEEL your discomfort, thus your attempt at opening her wild side via dirty talk might fail, not because of the words you use, but rather because of how she FELT by the way you said them.

This illustration stresses the importance of being authentic in how you communicate. For instance, “Safety” is extremely important for women in a sexual scenario. In fact a woman must trust and respect you and feel safe letting go in order to give in and experience a full body orgasm. She can FEEL safe with you simply from how you speak to her with certainty, and unapologetically lead her with your actions.

In addition to feeling safe, she wants to feel “desired”. She wants to feel certain that you truly desire and want her. You could tell her this with words, but that’s only 7% of authentically communicating this to her. It’s HOW you convey this to her that will make her FEEL sexy and desired. She will feel like the most beautiful woman on earth in the moments she’s certain that she’s wanted by the man that she desires.

Here’s a few guidelines for Powerful Sexual Sub-Communication:

1. Strong vocal projection – launch your words with authority. Powerful vocal projection shows confidence, leadership, and dominance.

2. Slow down your speech – slowing down your rate of speech can convey sexiness and desire. It can also trim out any nervous sub-communication.

3. Hold eye contact – get and hold eye contact to show her that you are there with her in that moment. A lot can be communicated in these moments without even saying a word.

4. Flirtatious facial gestures – Smile once in a while, don’t be so serious. Raise your eyebrow to challenge her thinking. Give her a teasing frown. When she tells you how good you are at “sucking” her clit, answer with a wink and show her your devilish smile.

5. Be unapologetic with your actions – hesitating sub-communicates uncertainty about yourself. This is particularly important when you are performing “techniques” to give her pleasure. Go at it with certainty, and if you feel uncertain then “fake it till you make it”, so when she cums with you inside of her and soaks the sheets you can act like you knew it would happen all along.

Most sexual relationships start with flirting, which is just an early form of Sexual Sub-Communication. When you flirt with a woman you are setting a sexual tone to the conversation so she knows you want her without actually saying it. The same is true even during the act of sex itself. How you interact with her sub-communicates feeling. She wants to feel Safe, Desired, Excited, Sexy, and certain that she’s with a man who won’t judge her when she lets out her inner sexual being.

Talk Soon,
Jason Julius

P.S. For all the single guys who want to understand how to sub-communicate attraction to women, you should watch this “Goldfish” video from my buddy Josh P.